I have wondered often, over the years, why I have been blessed with
several true friends. They are there for me when I need them, and I,
for them. Always pleased to see me, as am I when I see them. They
never condemn, nor offer unsolicited counsel. But their counsel is
welcome because you understand the spirit in which it's given. They
sometimes laugh at my jokes, mostly because I'm a poor joke-teller.
I was always better with one-liners.
But
some people never become good friends. They do not get accepted into
the "circle" of good friends. Probably because they lack sincerity of
character; sincerity of giving. These people lack a sincerity of desire
to open up themselves to another.
I make these
statements because I have found, recently, that although some people
claim to want to be a friend, they're only trying to be "friendly". They
only value certain friendships. Those that come about on the terms that
they have set for their own "circle". Being friendly is only a
facade. You have to break through if you want a relationship with that
individual.
I have attempted to be more open to new
friends in a time where networking, social media, and digital access
puts us all in contact with more people. I have also experienced the
hesitance and uncertainty of meeting new people in an unfamiliar setting
and interacting with those you've just met. It's awkward, sure. But
it's a necessary thing when you attempt to open yourself up to new
relationships.
The lack of sincerity that I mentioned
is not always on the surface. It's hidden. Hidden where people (who
may, or may not, want to find new friendships) have "locked" it away.
There are those that are threatened by new people. Most people, as a
matter of fact. Some reasons may be: a) Their trust has been broken one
too many times. b) They were raised in a cynical environment and it
comes as an auto-response. c) They are just not open to the type of
caring and, yes, love that can be offered.
Maybe they
got "burned" before by someone that took advantage of their kindness, or
their love. Or maybe the place where they grew up wasn't as welcoming
as you're used to. Whatever the reason, when we want to find those
relationships, we meet various forms of resistance.
So here's a list of things to "feel" for when you're searching for a new relationship (regardless of gender):
1. Finding a common interest is not enough. You must find an emotional connection. Yes, you might have a couple interesting topics to talk about, but you still don't have a foundation for a good friendship.
2. You'll have to have an ongoing series of conversations. If
you find you're wanting a closer friendship with someone new, you must
keep the chats coming. If you have the emotional connection and develop
that further by having a few related conversations, you can solidify
the connection into a growing friendship.
3. Arrange to get together again.
In a sprouting new friendship, absence DOES NOT make the heart grow
fonder. The lack of time spent together actually weakens a young
relationship. Just like a newborn baby needs regular feedings, A new
friendship needs to be fed with face-to-face contact.
4. New common interests must be developed.
Even a friendship built on an emotional tie, can wear thin if the
foundation is thin. It becomes more long-lasting when there's more than
a couple of interests that bring you together. In fact, the more two
people have in common, the stronger the bond can be. Most of you know
this to be true already.
A relationship that blossoms
will wither and die without continuous care. There is a difference
between people and plants obviously. (Sorry about the horticulture
references.) If you find someone you "click" with, you'll do well to
follow my list. Keep in mind though; there must be reciprocity. If the
desire for the relationship is one-sided, none of what you want
matters. That's the difference between people and plants. People can
choose each other.
I hope you find your friendships. I
hope you protect your heart, too, but not at the risk of not getting to
know some nice, kind, caring people. Good luck.
