Choosing your friends...

I have wondered often, over the years, why I have been blessed with several true friends.  They are there for me when I need them, and I, for them.  Always pleased to see me, as am I when I see them.  They never condemn, nor offer unsolicited counsel.  But their counsel is welcome because you understand the spirit in which it's given.  They sometimes laugh at my jokes, mostly because I'm a poor joke-teller.

I was always better with one-liners.

But some people never become good friends.  They do not get accepted into the "circle" of good friends.  Probably because they lack sincerity of character; sincerity of giving.  These people lack a sincerity of desire to open up themselves to another.

I make these statements because I have found, recently, that although some people claim to want to be a friend, they're only trying to be "friendly". They only value certain friendships. Those that come about on the terms that they have set for their own "circle".  Being friendly is only a facade.  You have to break through if you want a relationship with that individual.

I have attempted to be more open to new friends in a time where networking, social media, and digital access puts us all in contact with more people.  I have also experienced the hesitance and uncertainty of meeting new people in an unfamiliar setting and interacting with those you've just met.  It's awkward, sure.  But it's a necessary thing when you attempt to open yourself up to new relationships.

The lack of sincerity that I mentioned is not always on the surface.  It's hidden.  Hidden where people (who may, or may not, want to find new friendships) have "locked" it away.  There are those that are threatened by new people.  Most people, as a matter of fact.  Some reasons may be: a) Their trust has been broken one too many times. b) They were raised in a cynical environment and it comes as an auto-response. c) They are just not open to the type of caring and, yes, love that can be offered.

Maybe they got "burned" before by someone that took advantage of their kindness, or their love.  Or maybe the place where they grew up wasn't as welcoming as you're used to.  Whatever the reason, when we want to find those relationships, we meet various forms of resistance.

So here's a list of things to "feel" for when you're searching for a new relationship (regardless of gender):

1. Finding a common interest is not enough.  You must find an emotional connection.  Yes, you might have a couple interesting topics to talk about, but you still don't have a foundation for a good friendship.

2. You'll have to have an ongoing series of conversations.  If you find you're wanting a closer friendship with someone new, you must keep the chats coming.  If you have the emotional connection and develop that further by having a few related conversations, you can solidify the connection into a growing friendship.

3. Arrange to get together again.  In a sprouting new friendship, absence DOES NOT make the heart grow fonder.  The lack of time spent together actually weakens a young relationship.  Just like a newborn baby needs regular feedings, A new friendship needs to be fed with face-to-face contact.

4. New common interests must be developed.  Even a friendship built on an emotional tie, can wear thin if the foundation is thin.  It becomes more long-lasting when there's more than a couple of interests that bring you together.  In fact, the more two people have in common, the stronger the bond can be.  Most of you know this to be true already.

A relationship that blossoms will wither and die without continuous care.  There is a difference between people and plants obviously. (Sorry about the horticulture references.)  If you find someone you "click" with, you'll do well to follow my list.  Keep in mind though; there must be reciprocity.  If the desire for the relationship is one-sided, none of what you want matters.  That's the difference between people and plants.  People can choose each other.

I hope you find your friendships.  I hope you protect your heart, too, but not at the risk of not getting to know some nice, kind, caring people.  Good luck.